Kid Of Long Ago

I was walking down the driveway, after leaving mom and dad's house today, when I saw this man. He was on the other side of our property, going back and forth on a cable rope swing, free and happy as a kid. Untroubled by the burdens of adulthood and responsibility that can bog us down, so often, when we're grown.

He didn't notice me, at first, but quickly got on a bobcat and started clearing the land again, when he saw me observing him.  Even though I know I really had no right, as this land's recently been sold, I still feel the pull of this land, which had been in our family for as long as I can remember. It really bothered me as I watched him knock down and destroy things, for many of these things had been a part of my childhood. For that reason the land still murmurs to me, speaking of family history and ghosts of the past. This will quieten soon though, swallowed up by time and new ownership.

The land continues to call mournfully, as this man goes happily about his business of destroying all, that I now see, I had foolishly taken for granted. There on that tree he just knocked down, I shared laughter with my five year old brother.  We're swinging again on that wooden box swing, made by my dad, so long ago. Here again, we giggle as daddy pushed us high above, high enough to reach the treetops.

The bobcat buckets next push, takes away the memory of my moms laughter, as she watched my brother and I swing past, high enough to touch the sky. We'd scream happily on the way up and going back down I'd hear moms laughter as she joined in our merriment.

We'd stop for a time, then, turning in slow circles, knot up the cable, just for the swing to unwind in whirling circles, crossing our eyes and ripping screams of pure delight from our opened mouths. We'd do this several times, ignoring moms warning about us having to throw up, for that wouldn't happen to know it all kids, like my brother and I were.

I'm no longer that Kid Of Long Ago. I'm no longer that innocent who looked towards her mom and dad for all things.  I am an adult, with adult responsibilities. So many times I have to look to my own daughter to be able to experience her childlike joy in life. And once in awhile, in my dreams, my imagination takes me again to that land next door,where I'm again that Kid Of Long Ago.

What saddens me is that I didn't realize just how important that property was to me, until today.  I didn't realize how much I associated my emotions and memories with that land.  Especially since I'll never experience those things again, nor can I talk to mom about the past, as she's no longer here with me.

It's not enough to know that only time and old age can take all my memories away completely.  And hopefully senility won't take those memories away too.  So, I really have to hang on to the few things I have left, that can still give me those memories of that Kid Of Long Ago.  That's the family that shared those experiences, like my dad and brother, and the many pictures my mom took of things, throughout the years.

As We Go Through Life

As we go through life, there are often people that will effect us in some special way. These people may be in our lives from the time we're little, like family.  Or they may be the neighbor, teacher, or friend that's been there for you as long as you can remember, listening when your down or worried.That person that I always turned to, that was always there for me, that got mad at others she thought had done me wrong, was my mom. 

So the upcoming date, the 15th of October will be a terrible blow to me, once more.  It is on this date that my mom passed away over one year ago. I feel such an emptiness inside.  A place that's hurt and never heals. That loss, her no longer being there for me, has not grown any easier and never will. She was my champion, always there for me, as well as my family, her friends, and the many clients she'd had for over twenty years.

But even though I feel so alone, there are times when I still feel her presence.  And  I feel sure, if she's looking down on me, that she would be saying, "Good job I knew you could do it" especially if she's seen the progression of my writing. I know she would have been proud of my chapters that are online at http://www.chainbooks.com/  and of the book I'm currently writing, as well.

There are some changes people have to accept in life.  Getting old, gaining weight, going bald, and having the inevitable sagging of skin. But one of the things in life that can never be accepted, with change, is the loss of a loved one. I so miss my champion and wonderful mom who believed in her family unconditionally.On this day of loss- this coming Saturday- sadness will devastate me once more, for on this day moms love and enduring spirit was extinguished for good.

Entertainment Value

I was typing an email, the other day, for a TV blogger position I found online, and  I started listing all the TV shows I watch. After a moment, I started laughing.  I sounded like the TV guide.  I had begun with Blue Bloods http://www.cbs.com/  (prime time/blue bloods) and Covert Affairs http://www.usanetwork.com/ (Covert Affairs) and so on, ending up with over thirty some shows. It just depended on whether it was in season or out of season, as to which shows I was watching. And I thought being a t.v. blogger is definitely my calling.

But the truth of the matter is that I love TV shows and have from the time I was little.  And the shows I like in particular are the police dramas filled with investigative techniques and intrigue. The mystery of who done it.  And as the years go by, and technology advances, I'm a sure bet for all good police shows.  I even thought about going to school to be a forensic scientist, at one time.  But circumstances have me watching police drama and writing about it instead.

It's often funny, to some, like my dad, the entertainment value I get from watching these shows.  But, I guess I don't really see that changing.  Shows like Judging Amy http://www.cbs.com/ (prime time/Judging Amy) and CSI http://www.cbs.com/ (prime time/CSI), years ago, brought me a lot of company when my daughter was a baby and my husband was working out of town, for days at a time.

But I think my love of TV, though important for entertainment and company value, when hubby is working late, started many years ago, when my mom and I watched, my very first soap, One Life To Live http://www.abc.go.com/ (daytime), and other soaps and shows of that time.

We didn't have a lot to do then and those shows brought us time together, as mother and daughter.  Time to sit together, sharing laughter and smiles at something funny that was said or done on TV. I think, it was then, that the association with TV and family bonding started. 

I continue to share that tradition with my daughter today, when I watch, The Regular Show, Star Wars, or America's Funniest Home Videos with her.  We laugh and smile as we watch her favorite cartoons, connecting as mother and daughter, as my own mom and I did years ago. And in these times, we share not only entertainment value, but a family bonding value, as well.

Some Might Say It's Just A Smile

One might not think a smile can bring tears to someones face, but it can. It happened to me, last night, not long after I  flipped to the weather channel http://www.theweatherchannel.com  . They were interviewing a man, whose home was hit by a tornado.  He spoke of the tornado coming through, the destruction of much of his home, and then, incredibly, he smiled. I was so moved, at his strength, in the face of catastrophe, that I cried. He and many of the other people interviewed, showed such bravery in the wake of Hurricane Irene, Katia and Tropical Storm Lee.

Many people, these past few days, have felt the power of Hurricane Irene http://www.bing.com/ (Hurricane Irene), Tropical storm Lee http://www.sacbee.com/ (Remnants of Lee bring fresh flood worries to East), and Hurricane Katia, http://www.bloomberg.com/ , (Hurricane Katia to pass between Bermuda, U.S. East coast today), and still they smile and find the positive.  I felt so amazed and emotional while watching this and continue to feel that way. And I know some might say, it's just a smile, but to me it's a symbol of hope, endurance, and the road to rebuilding what the elements have taken away.

But it's not just their smile that amazes me.  It's neighbors, friends, and total strangers come together, lending a hand,to start the road to rebuilding. This is proof of what resilient people we are, and will always be. It makes me proud to be part of a society of people, that are not quitters, that even in the face of destruction, they can still see the bright side. That no matter what, they are going to persevere.

So, really, I know why I cried the last night when I saw that man's sweet smile.  He wasn't defeated by a tornado, touching down and taking away parts of his house, he was doing good. He knew that houses, cars and possessions can be replaced. So in all this devastation, he still found a reason to smile, and that was wonderful.

Recent Scam.....New York Speeding Ticket

I usually hurry through to my email, because most days, I find myself the recipient of over 200 emails.  And it's usually pretty obvious, that it's junk mail, from the subject line. So even a hardened emailer like me must admit that my old ticker gave a start, when I saw that, not only had I been in New York, July 5th, of this year, which I hadn't been aware of, especially since I've never been to New York, but I had gotten a speeding ticket there, as well.

This email speeding ticket scam http://www.securitynewsdaily.com/ (New York Speeding Ticket Scam)evidently started making it's rounds in unsuspecting people's emails, a few days ago. And for just a minute,when seeing "uniform traffic ticket" in the subject line, I'm sure that it alarmed many other email recipients,as well. This of course, being just what the scammers wanted, but hopefully the recipients did not open the attachment which might have gotten them a malicious virus for their trouble.

Many would probably say just give the old junk mail a toss, but for unsuspecting souls, those not thinking and opening their email attachments, the scammers would surely win, as these viruses can and do effect many unsuspecting people.  So what can one do to protect themselves from scams? There are sites that offer advice such as http://www.scamwatch.gov.au/ , (How to Protect Yourself) and http://www.onguardonline.gov/ (Email Scams).

I'd like to think, scammers would have something better to do than send viruses to so many unsuspecting people, but that's just not the case. And there are many scam emails, such as the ones I've received like: I've just had thousands charged to my credit card: quick fix this! Or some dear person, just left me millions of dollars. Or, bless my soul, I've just received the winning lottery ticket number!  And open just one attachment in jubilation and pow! a possible virus on my computer.

Sadly, the scams will keep coming.  But since there is no letup on scams that leaves it to emailers, the unsuspecting victims, to take a more active roll in stopping this problem.  So if someone suddenly leaves an emailer millions, or if your credit cards been charged thousands, or recently, if emailers receive a speeding ticket from New York, please inform others of these scams.  It only takes a minute.  In this way, we can help thwart another scammer from achieving their goal of possibly spreading a virus to some unsuspecting person's computer.