How Much It Mattered

I didn't realize, HOW MUCH IT MATTERED--my writing--until I thought my imagination, the need to write, was gone for good. This upset me, so much, though I would not have thought that back in 2010, when I first started this blog(a personal journal)--two months after mom passed away. At that time, it had been an outlet, a way to keep memories of my mom and my childhood alive.

It helped so much, this journal, because in time I could remember mom and laugh, not cry. I could write, create, using an imagination learned by watching my moms pure joy in life. Through this process, unbearable grief became acceptance, acceptance became happiness that she had earned much needed peace and a place in heaven.

It's then, I think, that something happened with that acceptance. I found the imagination, the words I needed so much for inner peace--seemed to have disappeared. I'd stare blankly at the screen--but nothing...nothing was there. So one day, a magical thing happened. My words, my creativity that helped push sadness away, were back!

Through this metamorphosis, I left my dream of graphic design and thoughts of finishing school behind. Instead, I focused on my new goal--which I had discovered--screenwriting. It was a leap of faith, a scary process, but through this growth, my fascination with using one's imagination and the freedom that brought, blossomed!

Then my father passed away February 4, 2013. The sorrow, as I found my dad, after he had passed, was unbearable. Again, as with mom, I turned to writing for solace. And as had been the case, after moms death, again my mind went blank. Again, I realized, just how much it mattered. How much I needed the words to express, to let go of grief.

During this time, nothing helped, as the words were just--GONE. Movies, which I love so much, did not help. My blog--and much apologies to readers--could not keep my mind occupied. For here too, I could think of nothing. The page here, was as blank as the one on my computer. The cursor, blinked and mocked me, just as much.

I am so happy to say that I've started my writing journey again and it has brought me so much joy. Please, any out there who have suffered a loss, as well--try writing in a journal. As each word touches computer screen, paper etc., you'll feel free. Here, your heart and mind can meet, become one. And it is then, each journey, each realization, will bring you the peace you need inside.

In The Year To Come

I wanted to say I'm sorry to anyone, that may have checked for new posts, periodically, only to find none.  It's been a rough few months, with the  death of several loved ones. Two of my uncles passed away, in close succession, then my beloved father passed away on the 2nd of February 2013.

Life can be hard, without experiencing the death of a loved one--but particularly when both your parents are gone-- as mine are-- making one feel adrift and alone.  So it's been difficult, not only dealing with my dad's death, but with the total indifference-- I've encountered-- as I've gone through the painful process of taking care of things daddy was not able to do.

So I've decided to make my regular posts, in the weeks to come, but also DIFFERENT posts (from my norm) where I find sites with people that have overcome terrible loss--of any kind--and still they persevered. This will not only help me with my own loss, as time goes by, but hopefully it will show how we, THE PEOPLE, are strong. How we FIGHT to go on, do what we need to do, even when life is the HARDEST.

Look for the next post, though to be a  promo for a friend of mine and his movie that I KNOW will one day see the big screen. And as a HUGE movie fan, I look forward to that. :-)

Making The New Years' Resolution--Possible

A New Years Resolution can be taken lightly or said with sincere dedication. But, sometimes these well intentioned resolutions fly out of our mouths faster than a rock from a slingshot. And these sincere resolutions, made on the spur of the moment, or to please someone else, often fail.

Maybe it's because I talk too much, but my resolutions always come flying out, and then it's too late to scoop my words back up. Most times, of course, I knew I wouldn't see that resolution come true, but it still made me happy to envision a new car, house, or a total redo of our cabinets and floors.

So, first make resolution for myself doable-- in 2013. My resolution list tends to be a little long, but that's okay for these are our resolutions after all. :-)

 1)Make sure my daughter and I have more fun time, less stress time. CHECK
2) make resolutions doable, not ridiculous dreams. CHECK..
 2) write an award winning book...dream? doable...well maybe..
 3)write three short stories that will do well this year. Yes, possible.. CHECK.
 4).Okay, lose some of this stubborn weight, all in a month. Okay impatient self, let's see...lose stubborn weight in say six months. Okay, doable, maybe...

I think that, "Making The New Years' Resolution--Possible" is something we can all stick to. And we can make that doable by making the resolution possible, not impossible. And make sure it's something, "WE"' really want in life, therefore we'll keep working on it throughout the year.

And I think--starting with this New Years Resolution-- not only should my New Years Resolution be possible, but something where I come FIRST, once in awhile. Not always, after the role of mother, wife, or daughter.

In conclusion, I think it's okay if we don't always keep our resolutions. If we break them, or even start them later in the year, as long as we keep trying. And acknowledge that even if a goal's not reached right away, it can always become a lifetime goal; something we will achieve, just not right this very moment.

Cherish Each Memory

I've been thinking a lot about my mom, this holiday season. It's still unthinkable--in my heart and mind--to realize she's been gone over two years, now. And each passing holiday, I understand the sadness on peoples' faces, because my face expresses that sorrow, as well.

 So it's hard to understand how my feelings can go from sorrow to happiness, from dark to light, but I think it's because I'll always associate important occasions with mom being happy. So, in my memories, she will always be full of life, cooking and smiling. And so, if only for a moment, we're gathered again around a table and moms laughter rings out--over everyone else's--because she's that happy to be surrounded by family and friends.

And now, it's bittersweet, the regret that I feel because I did not share moms joy about the holidays. I dreaded the extra cooking, hectic last minute preparations, but mom truly loved the holidays and her eyes would glow with happiness. And now, I wish I could do that cooking and work with her. I wish I could hear her ask how I'm doing, or have her ask me to help her make a meal. How I miss the sound of our big family gatherings, from  years ago, but time, life changed the memories that were so important.

So be sure to show your family and friends love and appreciation. Cherish each memory as if your taking a mental picture, because these snapshots will last a lifetime. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone.

My Interview With Exlus Bennett Of Outlaw East Entertainment

It's not often, in such a busy world, that we can find the time to reach out and help others. So it's my privilege to interview, such a person, who has given generously of his time, in helping others. My  blog, today, is a question/answer session with Exlus Bennett, who agreed to talk about how he started, Outlaw East Entertainment, www.OutlawEastEntertainment.com  which formed out of an evolutionary process. One that will benefit all who seek out www.OutlawEastEntertainment.com.

• What made you decide to start Outlaw East Entertainment?

I started Outlaw East Entertainment, with Edwin Jones, out of an evolutionary process.  Allow me to back track.  In the late 90’s, I owned and operated an art studio.  Our product was graphic arts for various publications.  We did newspapers, magazines, and foremost comic books.  We called ourselves an art studio rather than publishers was because we cared more about the art; the freedom of expression in artistic form by any and all individuals.  My staff and I believed in that so strongly, that when the local kids would hang out to see what we were working on, we started listening to their ideas, their input and their opinions.  We eventually started to hear the kids own characters and stories.  So we encouraged them to write it out.  I guess, at that time, every teacher in the local school was wondering what was going on with these kids. But, the kids came back with good stories and characters.  Sure it was rough and needed some polishing, but they were engaged in something positive!  So I made the decision to put my money where my mouth was and develop, draw out and publish their stories.  I was involved helping the kids with story development, character, content (to a point) and every title featured the creator’s name on the cover;  A confirmation of ownership and development.  Fast forward to 2007, when I was approached to obtain rights from one of my personally created characters for filming.  I was skeptical so I offered a “low end” character.  Then I was asked to write the screenplay for the character and at that point Edwin approached me and wondered why we couldn’t do it ourselves.  After some deliberation, some support from my loved ones I told Edwin, let’s do it.  But we wanted to approach it differently…within the norm, but let’s get real stories behind us again, like when we were in the art studio.  The name Outlaw didn’t signify that we wanted to be ‘badasses’, we use ‘Outlaw’ to state we operate outside of the normal conventional ways.

• Was it a lifelong dream? To start your company? To help others?

When we started O.E.E. we decided on a few perimeters for the company; 1) Everyone gets an opportunity. 2) A good story is a good story. 3) No one pays to participate 4) We keep the studio East of the Rocky Mountains.  The craziness that is Hollywood, can stay in Hollywood.  And finally 5) We don’t get in the way of anyone actually finding their own version of success, whether it means working with us or leaving us for greater things.  Those are the 5 principles we use.

• What do you think are the benefits of reaching out to help others?

I believe the benefit of reaching out to others goes far beyond finding an original story or an inventive way to do something.  It creates a community.  Thanks to the internet, the community is global.  A united community solves problems be it; low employment or high anxieties.  While we are not dumb enough to think we don’t need money, we are not terribly jaded by it either.  If our studio could generate one to two $20 million dollar film per year (low balling it) , we could employ 400 persons at $50k a year salary.  That changes things dramatically.  Once we go beyond that, well the sky’s the limit.

• What do you see happening for Outlaw East Entertainment in the next 5 years? Ten years?

I see Outlaw East Entertainment growing and evolving like it should and not being held back by typical constraints.  We’ve all heard nightmarish stories about what may or may not go on in Hollywood. Why do we have to follow suit?  Some extraordinary things have happened from independent artists.  We believe we can allow more into the industry, after all there are over nine (9,000) thousand television stations around and even now there are more content on the internet with the new format of televised show online.  That creates a need for new and abundant material.  I think O.E.E. will still be pertinent long after I’m gone.

• And finally, what words of advice would you give anyone wanting to go into the entertainment field?

My advise for anyone trying to get in the entertainment field is follow what you are comfortable with.  If you want to go the conventional route to your destiny, do it with conviction.  However if the conventional road is not for you, get tough, roll up your sleeve and blaze a whole new trail.  Whether you succeed of fail, the accolades you get from the effort while be just as satisfying.

                 *End Of Questions*

I really enjoyed interviewing Exlus Bennett and learning the story of www.OutlawEastEntertainment.com . And I realized something--as I read the answers Exlus gave me--that I have become rather jaded in my opinions--where the internet is concerned.

Somewhere, along the line, I have closed my eyes, not seeing clearly, those who have offered kindness, that became instrumental in helping others make their dreams come true. So I plan, thanks to Exlus helping me see things more clearly, to periodically post--of those on the net--whose kindness helped others see their dreams to fruition.