How Much It Mattered

I didn't realize, HOW MUCH IT MATTERED--my writing--until I thought my imagination, the need to write, was gone for good. This upset me, so much, though I would not have thought that back in 2010, when I first started this blog(a personal journal)--two months after mom passed away. At that time, it had been an outlet, a way to keep memories of my mom and my childhood alive.

It helped so much, this journal, because in time I could remember mom and laugh, not cry. I could write, create, using an imagination learned by watching my moms pure joy in life. Through this process, unbearable grief became acceptance, acceptance became happiness that she had earned much needed peace and a place in heaven.

It's then, I think, that something happened with that acceptance. I found the imagination, the words I needed so much for inner peace--seemed to have disappeared. I'd stare blankly at the screen--but nothing...nothing was there. So one day, a magical thing happened. My words, my creativity that helped push sadness away, were back!

Through this metamorphosis, I left my dream of graphic design and thoughts of finishing school behind. Instead, I focused on my new goal--which I had discovered--screenwriting. It was a leap of faith, a scary process, but through this growth, my fascination with using one's imagination and the freedom that brought, blossomed!

Then my father passed away February 4, 2013. The sorrow, as I found my dad, after he had passed, was unbearable. Again, as with mom, I turned to writing for solace. And as had been the case, after moms death, again my mind went blank. Again, I realized, just how much it mattered. How much I needed the words to express, to let go of grief.

During this time, nothing helped, as the words were just--GONE. Movies, which I love so much, did not help. My blog--and much apologies to readers--could not keep my mind occupied. For here too, I could think of nothing. The page here, was as blank as the one on my computer. The cursor, blinked and mocked me, just as much.

I am so happy to say that I've started my writing journey again and it has brought me so much joy. Please, any out there who have suffered a loss, as well--try writing in a journal. As each word touches computer screen, paper etc., you'll feel free. Here, your heart and mind can meet, become one. And it is then, each journey, each realization, will bring you the peace you need inside.

In The Year To Come

I wanted to say I'm sorry to anyone, that may have checked for new posts, periodically, only to find none.  It's been a rough few months, with the  death of several loved ones. Two of my uncles passed away, in close succession, then my beloved father passed away on the 2nd of February 2013.

Life can be hard, without experiencing the death of a loved one--but particularly when both your parents are gone-- as mine are-- making one feel adrift and alone.  So it's been difficult, not only dealing with my dad's death, but with the total indifference-- I've encountered-- as I've gone through the painful process of taking care of things daddy was not able to do.

So I've decided to make my regular posts, in the weeks to come, but also DIFFERENT posts (from my norm) where I find sites with people that have overcome terrible loss--of any kind--and still they persevered. This will not only help me with my own loss, as time goes by, but hopefully it will show how we, THE PEOPLE, are strong. How we FIGHT to go on, do what we need to do, even when life is the HARDEST.

Look for the next post, though to be a  promo for a friend of mine and his movie that I KNOW will one day see the big screen. And as a HUGE movie fan, I look forward to that. :-)

Making The New Years' Resolution--Possible

A New Years Resolution can be taken lightly or said with sincere dedication. But, sometimes these well intentioned resolutions fly out of our mouths faster than a rock from a slingshot. And these sincere resolutions, made on the spur of the moment, or to please someone else, often fail.

Maybe it's because I talk too much, but my resolutions always come flying out, and then it's too late to scoop my words back up. Most times, of course, I knew I wouldn't see that resolution come true, but it still made me happy to envision a new car, house, or a total redo of our cabinets and floors.

So, first make resolution for myself doable-- in 2013. My resolution list tends to be a little long, but that's okay for these are our resolutions after all. :-)

 1)Make sure my daughter and I have more fun time, less stress time. CHECK
2) make resolutions doable, not ridiculous dreams. CHECK..
 2) write an award winning book...dream? doable...well maybe..
 3)write three short stories that will do well this year. Yes, possible.. CHECK.
 4).Okay, lose some of this stubborn weight, all in a month. Okay impatient self, let's see...lose stubborn weight in say six months. Okay, doable, maybe...

I think that, "Making The New Years' Resolution--Possible" is something we can all stick to. And we can make that doable by making the resolution possible, not impossible. And make sure it's something, "WE"' really want in life, therefore we'll keep working on it throughout the year.

And I think--starting with this New Years Resolution-- not only should my New Years Resolution be possible, but something where I come FIRST, once in awhile. Not always, after the role of mother, wife, or daughter.

In conclusion, I think it's okay if we don't always keep our resolutions. If we break them, or even start them later in the year, as long as we keep trying. And acknowledge that even if a goal's not reached right away, it can always become a lifetime goal; something we will achieve, just not right this very moment.