I didn't realize, HOW MUCH IT MATTERED--my writing--until I thought my imagination, the need to write, was gone for good. This upset me, so much, though I would not have thought that back in 2010, when I first started this blog(a personal journal)--two months after mom passed away. At that time, it had been an outlet, a way to keep memories of my mom and my childhood alive.
It helped so much, this journal, because in time I could remember mom and laugh, not cry. I could write, create, using an imagination learned by watching my moms pure joy in life. Through this process, unbearable grief became acceptance, acceptance became happiness that she had earned much needed peace and a place in heaven.
It's then, I think, that something happened with that acceptance. I found the imagination, the words I needed so much for inner peace--seemed to have disappeared. I'd stare blankly at the screen--but nothing...nothing was there. So one day, a magical thing happened. My words, my creativity that helped push sadness away, were back!
Through this metamorphosis, I left my dream of graphic design and thoughts of finishing school behind. Instead, I focused on my new goal--which I had discovered--screenwriting. It was a leap of faith, a scary process, but through this growth, my fascination with using one's imagination and the freedom that brought, blossomed!
Then my father passed away February 4, 2013. The sorrow, as I found my dad, after he had passed, was unbearable. Again, as with mom, I turned to writing for solace. And as had been the case, after moms death, again my mind went blank. Again, I realized, just how much it mattered. How much I needed the words to express, to let go of grief.
During this time, nothing helped, as the words were just--GONE. Movies, which I love so much, did not help. My blog--and much apologies to readers--could not keep my mind occupied. For here too, I could think of nothing. The page here, was as blank as the one on my computer. The cursor, blinked and mocked me, just as much.
I am so happy to say that I've started my writing journey again and it has brought me so much joy. Please, any out there who have suffered a loss, as well--try writing in a journal. As each word touches computer screen, paper etc., you'll feel free. Here, your heart and mind can meet, become one. And it is then, each journey, each realization, will bring you the peace you need inside.