Sometimes I feel better and other days the passing of my mom hits me all over again. It's taken baby steps just to realize that she will no longer be a part of my life. In my heart she still lives, and in my heart she will remain, so when someone told me the other day, "She's gone, move on", I think, how is it possible to be so cavalier about this? We can't just rip out what we felt about that person,they will always be a part of our life, our heart, our very soul.
Of course, I realize that each person in life sees the grieving process and the ability to move on in different ways, some move on with life at a pace that might shock others, others continue those deeds-started by their lost loved ones-, to continue bringing happiness to others, and others still remain in a state of stasis, a kind of suspended animation, if you will, until the world seems to kick back into gear again for them.
So in many ways -I guess you could say- I've remained in suspended animation. Oh I've continued with the day to day things, I've continued cleaning, cooking, homeschooling, socializing, my schooling, as well as writing, but the real me inside, the one that used to joke, give advice and worry about others-well that part seems to be out for an unknown length of time.
So, we each have to deal with death in our own way, but I don't think those that can move on so quickly, should expect those-still continuing to hurt-to move on at the same pace. We can no more rip out the pain we feel inside-at a moment's notice- than the sky can be lowered if we want to see the stars more clearly in the night time sky. It's just impossible. And besides, our loved one, so real in life, can't be made so forgettable, to others, just because they think we should have moved on by now. Never should we hear, "She's gone, move on."
So, in closing, I know life will go on for us, but each-dealing with death- in our own way. We, each, just continue on living like the mountains, strong and ever present, just in that little ledge on the mountain-we carry, in our heart-the memories, and the laughter, and the very echoes of that loved one-that will always hold a special place in our lives. This we never have to get over and move on with, this we keep close and always cherish.